When my wife and I were courting, I had such ideals about being the perfect husband. I believed so much in those ideals that I told my wife what I looked forward to doing after we become husband and wife.

I remember telling her  how I would give her rest days while I do all the housework. I remember telling her how I would make sure I am always at home for her and the children any free time away from work. There were so many other things I looked forward to doing which I have forgotten – but my wife never forgot.

Not too long after our wedding, we began to have quarrels. I began to ask myself why I could be upset with someone I loved so much that I sometimes found it difficult to sleep just thinking about her?   I knew I didn’t make a mistake marrying the woman I loved, so why could we not agree on some issues?

We finally got talking. I was amazed when Maris (my wife) began telling me how I never lived up to the ideals I glowingly talked about before we got married. She began to point out things she expected from me that I wasn’t doing. I was stunned! I felt like she was talking about someone else and not me. My feelings were at an overdrive.

I was initially shocked and could not believe what I was hearing my wife say about me. Then came anger and I wanted to get back at her. I said a few unintelligible things and kept quiet because they were not even making sense to my ears. A sense of shame washed over me because I realized that she was telling me the truth.


I have learnt from these things and have striven to be a better husband.  I have since realized that some of the ideals I had then were rather far-fetched, but I also got to understand that my wife knew that I could not in reality do all of those things I sincerely believed I would do. She just wanted to see some effort on my part. She wanted to know that I loved her enough to want to do the dishes even after having a long day at work; she wanted to see me try doing the baby’s diapers even if it falls off her after a few minutes. She would have loved me to insist that I would cook even if all I do is to put the pot on the stove and she completes the cooking.

This experience reminds me of our relationship with Christ. As young Christians, we wanted to do everything we thought was right as a Christian to do. We wanted everyone to know that we had given our lives to Christ and would gladly welcome any opportunity to share our faith. We would gladly serve in any group or committee in Church and would attend all meetings. Along the way, we began to fail in these ideals. The more we struggled to keep up with them, the more we failed.

Christ said, “ If you love me, keep my commandments” John 14:15 . From this, I learnt that the ‘doing’ part is what shows that we love the other person. If I was doing or at least showing an inclination to do what my wife expected, I showed her that I love her. It doesn’t have anything to do with feelings. The way we feel is quite subjective but the things we do, send messages of what we feel. Christ could have said, “If you love me, make sure you feel love towards me” but He knew that we don’t always have the feelings of love towards others; neither do we feel loved all the time.

However the expression of love can be seen in the things you do. The things we do, even when it is not convenient, show how much love we have for Christ. When faced with a choice to do things God’s way or our own way, which one do we choose?

Let us begin to act the love we have, for others in line with Jesus’ command. The best place to start is from the little things and then we begin by faith, to reach out and do the greater and mightier things.

May the Lord give us grace to act in love towards God and towards men.


Steve Popoola is the editor of Biblepraise Newsletter and the owner of Biblepraise Fellowship Online at http://www.biblepraise.org. He lives in London where he works as an IT professional. He serves in the ministerial team of his local church as well as in the music ministry. He is the Moderator/Editor of Biblepraise Newsletter. He can be reached through His email address, steve@biblepraise.org